Wednesday, April 4
Day 90. I’ve written this post in my head a million times.
In some of them, I’m worried about what’s coming next and wondering what life after Whole30 will be like.
In others, I’m trying to remember what aisle the dark chocolate is in.
In some, I’m trying to decide if I will ever get on the scale in my bedroom again.
In some of them, I’m sloshing wine all over the keyboard, singing “Ding, dong, the Whole30 is dead!”
I’m kidding. Of course.
Before I get to where I’m going, a quick look back on how I got here. This started as a 30-day journey. When I realized that I had ambitions beyond 30 days, I extended it to 90 days. Here’s how I described that decision in my Reflection:
I’m not on a 30-day journey. I’m on a 6-month to a 12-month journey.
I’m a collage of photos away from where I’m headed.
See the thing is, with the confidence that the Whole30 has given me, I have an idea in my head. Its realistic. And its healthy. And I’m mentally and physically strong enough to get there. But its not going to happen in 30 days. Period.
…And once I realized that my journey ends in a collage of photos and a collection of Whole30-s, I saw the wisdom in this idea even more clearly.
My plan was shaping up. Clue by clue, I was piecing together the mystery. This is the beginning, not the end.
And month by month, I will piece together the collage of the rest of my life.
Nothing feels better than making a decision and never, not once ever, in the days that follow, ever second guessing yourself. Ever. 90 days was exactly the right call.
Then, about 15 days ago, I revisited this idea, and shared these thoughts:
I’m still a safe-enough distance from my goal to consider (and make decisions about) the future without feeling tugged or tied to any certain direction. I’m learning something new every day that contributes to my wellness mindset. And I’m blessed; truly, madly, deeply blessed, to be inspiring and motivating others and hearing your stories.
So with this in mind, I’m ready to announce that Jen’s Whole 30 is entering a new phase. After lots of thought, some soul searching, and a few conversations with trusted supporters, I’ve decided that the next milestone (after the promised 90, of course!) is 180 days.
So, here we are y’all. 90 day milestone. And it feels pretty cool.
I promised to share what I’m healthfully dissatisfied about (Day 87) and I will, but, before I do that, celebrating 10 cool things about 90 days (in no particular order):
1. I have more energy all the time than I ever have in my life that I can remember. And I feel so damn good.
2. I feel more confident. All. The. Time.
3. I drink only water, coffee, and limited amounts of La Croix water and unsweetened tea. Formerly this list included wine and vodka. Sometimes in large amounts.
4. I wear leggings. And smaller jeans. And smaller shirts. And a smaller bra. And two-piece swim suits (hey, stay out of Alabama next week if you don’t want to see it!)
5. When I yawn, I actually notice, because that’s how rare it is. And its usually not because I’m tired and definitely not because I’m hung over. It’s because my body needs some healthy fat.
6. I love exercise. I rarely think about not following through on exercise. In the rare case that I do, it takes me 2.2 seconds to convince myself that no one is ever sorry they exercised. And I go do it.
7. I never want to turn off the alarm and stay in bed. (and it usually goes off at 4:40 am) But I do manage my sleep carefully, choosing at least 7 hours a night whenever possible.
8. Rob and I don’t have to bicker about where to go eat/pick up food because I cook it. Actually we don’t bicker much period. (We especially don’t bicker about Rob “shrinking” my clothes in the laundry.) And I don’t snap at my kids. Usually. Because I’m happier. And well-rested. And not having mood swings caused by blood sugar spikes. And I spend the money we used to eat out on healthy grocery trips and workout clothes. Cute, smaller ones.
9. I don’t feel guilty when I eat. Ever. I also don’t have to make difficult decisions about food. And I don’t have to “swap” things or “be good” or “count calories” or “cheat.” Or “feel fat.” Or “bloated.” And food is not the center of my life.
10. I acknowledge the universe. Meaning I’m a little more willing to write things off a bit, chill out, relax, control what I can control, give it up when I can’t, know there’s something bigger out there, listen to the voice inside me, listen to others, learn constantly, embrace change, invite each new day, live in the present, and hope for the future. All with a peacefully startling and most pleasant clarity.
And it wasn’t even close to hard to write those 10 things.
Now, in the words of the great show Mad Men, “Dissatisfaction is a symptom of ambition. Its the coal that fuels the fire.”
As promised, a list of what I’m healthfully dissatisfied about and what I will commit to exploring and improving over the next 90 days:
- Keeping up all of the things that make this thing work: cooking, sleeping, blogging, working out, smiling, drinking water, laughing, learning, reading, sharing, thinking, appreciating, breathing, (and anything else with an -ing that makes this work). And figuring out how I will continue to shout it from the rooftops going forward (write a book!?!) and being sure I don’t refer to it as my “diet” because right now, I sometimes do that even though I really don’t mean it that way. And I know no diet in the world could ever do those 10 cool things. Period.
- Choosing to eat for hunger not appetite. All. The. Time. Including, even, possibly (eyes squinting because I don’t really want to type this…), coconut consumption. And coconut manna. And coconut cream. And coconut bites. And. And. And. See the pattern here? I think its possible that for all of my healthy relationships with food, there is this one. I don’t think we need a break up, just some boundaries. (I’m hoping friends with benefits is still an option.)
- Revisiting the 30-day goals: hiring a life coach, playing the piano, and doing the Tri-Shark. Tri-Shark is in motion, but I need to breathe some life into the other two. Because they are good ideas.
- Chasing down some CrossFit goals: deadlift 220+, snatch 100, hand stand push ups, muscle up (stretch goal!), and all things “bar” always RX reps: chest to bar pull-ups, toes to bar, etc., means body parts hit the bar. Every time. Actually, when I do something RX, I do it right every time. And form first. Always.
Best (hardest) for last.
- Developing the body image that I deserve. I’m earning the right to look in the mirror and celebrate what I see. I choose how I feel about myself. I own this.
So I’m not perfect! Phew. Glad we figured that out.
But I’m all in.
Tomorrow I will share more stuff for you numbers people out there. I will have a weigh and measure and perhaps get into the nitty-gritty about some results I’ve seen in my closet and in the gym.
In the meantime, I can’t close out this 90 days without thanking all of you. Every single time I write this, I know you’re reading it. What a gift. You’re sharing your ideas and motivation with me in person and online. What a gift. You’re following every day and catching up on the ones you missed. What a gift. You praise my efforts and I know you mean it! What a gift! My efforts are on your behalf as much as my own and this community is what this journey calls home.
Thank you. Truly. From the very bottom of my heart.
And now, in purely true fashion, an abrupt transition to today’s WOD:
3 rounds for time
400m w/hill run
25 goblet squats 35#
12 hand stand push up (used blue band “back pack” and 1 ab mat)
Good cash out of hand stand holds and hollow rocks
PWO SFH shake
2 eggs, kale, sweet potato hash browns, 1/2 avocado
Leftover fried rice, kale, coconut manna
Leftover fried rice, coconut cream
Thank you. Again.