Everyone living within a 50 mile radius knows I have coconut butter before bed.
Okay, that may be overstating it, but I’ve shared with many of you my sheer delight with this stuff. It is satisfying and downright a bit indulgent, I’ll admit, but I like that it is filling in a way that I will wake up and get through a WOD tomorrow feeling strong.
Tonight my spoon hit the bottom of the jar. (Cue scary music).
Actually, its ok, I’ve already ordered more.
But I did stop and think, “Have I been eating too much coconut butter?” After a bit more reflection, I felt calmed knowing that the jar had 14 servings and I had been working on it for about 14 days, so I felt a sense of balance about my choices.
I didn’t stop thinking though. I was on a roll apparently, why stop? After a while, this whole reflective bit about the coconut butter led me to realize something very profound (I will share in just a moment, I promise).
Before I share, I need to point out that I have body image issues. I haven’t worked this into the blog so much because I’m really working the W30 program and its important to me to be in the right now, and I think that body image sorts of issues are a bit more long term. However, I do sense that I may be well prepared to address this a bit further into the program so stay tuned. I share this because it is related to my profound realization.
What I realized is that while I still probably have some body image issues to sort out, what I don’t have (and have been 13 days free of) is any guilt about food or drink that I have put into my body.
13 days guilt free. 13 whole days minus the guilt. No guilt. No gross guilt.
13 days of not beating myself up and feeling bad for eating too many fries at lunch, having the extra glass of wine, sneaking back for just one more of the brownies in the break room, finishing the kids plate, pouring myself another drink, or eating one more piece of pizza.
Think about it. Guilt free.
Living without the powerful, often negative, shameful emotion that is, in this case, connected to something else powerful (or at least potentially powerful) and potentially good for that matter, fuel for my body.
Now, what I find very interesting and worth thinking more about, is the potential connection between negative feelings like guilt about my consumption of food and drink AND negative feelings about my body image, no doubt built up over time–even over years of guilt perhaps? In other words, is it possible that eliminating negative feelings of guilt about food and drink on a day-to-day basis will, over time, contribute to a lessening in negative feelings about body image? And, further, is it even possible that lessening negative feelings can in the long term give rise to powerful, positive and healing feelings about body image?
In other words, can I begin to heal my long term body image issues through the W30?
I will continue to reflect on this question but here is my initial take-away:
By developing a guilt-free relationship with food and drink I can envision a healthy and positive relationship with body fuel. And, day by day, this powerfully positive connection can lead to long term healing.
Brought to you by the Whole30…thanks so much for reading. Knowing you’re out there keeps me writing.